X Men Origins: Wolverine

Review by Jason Donner

The prequel is the thing, apparently.  They're doing it with Star Trek, they're doing it with The Da Vinci Code, they're doing it with Dumb and Dumber... oh, bad example.

In Hollywood, the prequel is all the rage!  Take this one for example, X Men Origins: Wolverine.  Could this be a movie made solely to tell the tortured beginnings of an X Men favorite or simply a cheaper way of doing another X Men movie without having to negotiate Halle Berry's ample salary?  You will have to determine that answer for yourself, I'm only here to talk the merits of this movie and, sadly, there's just not a lot of merit to be found.

As a mindless action movie, Wolverine isn't that bad.  The trouble is, the X Men movies - even The Last Stand - have never been mindless action movies.  There's always been some class to them and Wolverine just doesn't have that class.  It's got explosions and special effects to be sure, but it's a hollow affair that's impossible to get emotionally invested in and if you are the least bit familiar with the mythology of any of these characters, you will find yourself at a loss for words over their treatment.  Deadpool fans, you know what I'm talking about.

My main number one gripe and this is the BIG ONE in FLASHING NEON LETTERS is that Wolverine is stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey with every single unused X Men character that didn't make it into the previous movies.  Deadpool is there, The Blob is there, Gambit is there... but none of them really do anything.  This is like the Ed Sillivan show with superpowers; the host is Wolverine and he has a revolving door of characters constantly walking across the stage and waving at the audience and, before you can say, "Who the hell was that?" they're gone.

These characters are wasted in short and inconsequential scenes that rarely advance the plot and make for some very awkward screen time.  The appearance of the Blob, for example, is one of the strangest and most bizarre character moments of all time.

Of course, it would be criminal to neglect to mention Cyclops' strange appearance in the movie as well, but then again, this is a better part he had in The Last Stand, so he can't be too upset.

All of the guest stars popping in and out of this movie strips it of the little focus it tries to garner around a very unconvincing love story that ends in tragedy and then is followed up by a twist so dunderheaded that it will leave audiences scratching their heads in confusion.  Not only is it out of left field and completely unnecessary, but it all but robs Wolverine of his motivation to continue the movie.  Seriously, he should have just popped a cigar in his mouth and walked out the door... it's just that bad.

I don't really want to talk about this twist because it's against my religion to ruin movies and, I will say, it is a surprise when it happens.  Not a surprise like finding a dollar in your pocket or anything like that, but more of a "what's this lump?" surprise.

The action sequences aren't that good either.  There's an alleyway fight that is so badly directed and shot that people literally appear out of nowhere and fight with no rhyme nor reason.  Why would Gambit fight Wolverine when Wolverine is fighting and about to kill Sabertooth who, in a scene that took place mere minutes before the fray, we learned that Sabertooth was an enemy of Gambit.  So why is he fighting Wolverine who's fighting Sabertooth?  Is there no Cajun equivalent of "The enemy of my enemy is my friend?" 

It's everything mentioned above that turns Wolverine into badly written and ill-conceived crap.  If X Men: The Last Stand was a step down in quality, X Men Origins: Wolverine only continues that sad trend.  This was a movie that was literally covered in bullseyes, and yet every arrow that was fired completely missed the mark and killed my favorite cat.

Thankfully, Hugh Jackman is still the perfect Wolverine.  Let's face it, the man is Wolverine and he still knows how to make the character someone to root for no matter how attention deficit, scattershot, and stupid the movie becomes.

This is a terrible movie.  Terrible both in content and the fact that it betrays any anticipation you may feel.  This is not only the worst X Men movie, this is the Judas of the X Men movies complete with your ten pieces of silver.