Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Review by Jason Gaston

 

Where, o where has my funny gone?  O where, o where could it be?

I hope you're prepared for another laugh-free adventure thanks to Adam Sandler and his gang of friends, because it's coming to you in the form of Paul Blart: Mall Cop, the story of a Mall Cop named Paul Blart (yes, I know) who must single-handedly foil a gang of criminals who take over his beloved shrine to consumerism and who holds the woman he loves hostage.

Kevin James plays the title character who is fat, awkward, and socially inept which, of course, is supposed to make him endearing.  Quite the contrary, Paul Blart comes off as a by-the-book jerk who tries to ticket old men in wheelchairs for going too fast.  That's already a strike against you, movie!

This movie is just an unfunny collection of slapstick humor, fat jokes, and a climax battle that is so lazily written it practically requires Blart to become superhuman in a way to take down the more agile and physically fit bank robbers. 

There is a scene that takes place inside a Rainforest Cafe that is so painfully contrived and poorly executed that it deserves special scorn not only for its ludicrousness, but also for reminding me that Rainforest Cafe exists.

There is no brain apparent in this movie which makes it extremely difficult to review.  After all, if the movie is so stupid that it considers a fat man falling down as high entertainment, is saying something negative about it really going to make a difference?  That's like insulting a cook who eats his own boogers.

I will say this, however: Kevin James is capable of so much more than being one fat pratfall after another which he made very apparent during his run on The King of Queens and in Hitch.  Unless he gets as far away from this terrible Happy Madison comedies like I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and Mall Cop as possible, his career will choke and he'll be stuck in these awful roles forever.