G-Force
Review by Jason Gaston
I have seen the pit. I have looked Satan in the eye. I have seen evil incarnate and I am forever a changed man.
I have seen G-Force.
Oh, but wait...
isn't G-Force that adorable little movie about guinea pig
secret agents? Isn't it just the cutest little thing the way
that black guinea pig acts like a stereotypical black man? Isn't
that just a hoot when racism is sold willingly to children? What
about that Latino guinea pig? Always playing with men and acting
like a hooker? Just like a Latino woman! Aren't children's
movies just the bee's knees?
This movie is awful. A petrified rodent turn squeezed out of the demon possessed anus of some horrid mutant who can only say the words, "kill me!" over and over again. This laughless and soulless excuse for entertainment will take normally happy adults and turn them suicidal, or at least homicidal to kill the little nasty children that dragged you to this pit of a movie.
G-Force is a movie that never respects its audience. All it seems to see them as is a market for the toys that this movie will produce. Some of the G-Force vehicles are quite literally introduced in a way that you almost expect to see the words "NOW AVAILABLE AT WAL-MART!" at the bottom of the screen. This is a movie that sees your kids as dollar signs and does nothing but produce something so lame and generic that they will have no choice but to fall into its spell.
It's amazing: people think that Obama will brainwash their children and yet take them to crap like this without a thought in their head.
This movie is terrible. It's offensive in the way it sells racial stereotypes and the way it steals action sequences outright from other more superior movies, and just the appalling thought that enough money has been made from this thing to finance a sequel makes me throw up in my mouth a little.
G-Force is quite literally the worst and most offensive movie of the year. This is the cinematic equivalent of giving your kids a bag of weed and telling them to play in the street.