Friday the 13th

Review by Jason Gaston

 

I have a soft spot for the Friday the 13th movies.  From the classics like the original to Jason Lives to the really bad ones like A New Beginning and Jason Goes to Hell.  I got my first kiss during a Friday the 13th movie.  I remember watching one with my mother when I was a child, cuddling next to her and remembering how safe I felt.  When I say that these movies have a dear place in my heart, I'm not kidding.  They really do.  I cut my teeth on movies like Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and especially Friday the 13th.

Now, as all things must pass I suppose, it's time to make the old new again by throwing away the first 36 movies and starting over from scratch.  The man with the mask is getting the reboot treatment.  Friday the 13th is getting a spit-polish and being repackaged for the new century in a way that Jason X never really had a chance to do.

Now, a little meaner and a little grittier, Jason Vorhees is ready to meet a brand new generation of young people... and kill them.

Let's get one thing straight right now: If you think that Friday the 13th will remotely be anything close to a horror masterpiece, you're as deluded as anyone who believes that the minorities will actually survive this flick.

Friday the 13th movies exist for one  reason and one reason only so that we can watch annoying pretty people die at the hands of a maniac with a machete that we raise to hero status as the movie rolls on.  Does this say anything about our place in a morally decaying community?  Probably not.  After all, folklore is full of famous sadists:  the witch from Hansel and Gretel, the Big Bad Wolf, heck... have you read the old testament?

I can't explain it.  It's primal and I'm sure a psychologist could write novels on it.

I think that's is why movies like this exist; So that we can safely confront our own primal fear of mortality and, call it sick and twisted if you want, it's therapeutic in a way.

Watching this movie is like having your proverbial ride pimped.  Yeah, the extra bling is nice and the enhancements do add something that's been missing from the Friday the 13th experience before, but at the same time you're looking where your cute little fuzzy dice used to hang from the rear view and you're thinking, 'why did they get rid of that?  I liked that!  And why did they paint my car this color?"

In the end, however, you have to admit that the finished product is an improvement and that is where I am going to proudly stand.  There are things about Jason that I will miss that didn't carry over into the new movie - zombie Jason was awesome and will be sorely missed - and the Batman Begins realism that has been injected into this movie does subtract a substantial amount of fun from the entire event, but the finished product looks better, it moves better, and it has been a long time since Mr. Vorhees was this scary and menacing.

So, I'll take it.  My fuzzy dice may be gone, but the engine has been overhauled and I now have an iPod dock, so I'm happy.  This ain't Shakespeare, it's a man in a hockey mask with a knife and the sooner you accept that simple fact, the more apt you are to have genuine fun at this movie.