Failure to Launch

Review by Jason Gaston

I hated this movie. Hated every lame, time consuming moment of it. I was so bored during Failure to Launch that I was actually counting the acoustic tiles in the theater ceiling. For me to resort to counting or any form of math while a movie is going on is a sure sign that something is terribly, terribly wrong.

It's like this... Failure to Launch - which as we learned couldn't be more appropriately titled - is about a thirty-something slacker played by Matthew MaConaughey who sells boats for a living and still lives with his parents.

Rather than doing the sensible thing and asking their son to move out, his parents (Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw) hire a prostitute to convince him to leave.

All right, so she's not really a prostitute, she's a specialist who encourages men to leave the nest by dating them and building their self esteem so... uh... yeah, she's a prostitute.

Actually, I guess she's not a prostitute because she does all of this without sleeping with her clients. in essence, she's more like a wife.

As you have no doubt guessed, Matthew and this prostitute (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) end up developing real feelings for each other then he finds out that she's being paid to date him and then there is a heart-breaking breakup from which their family and friends must help them recover.

Did I just give away the whole plot? Sorry, but honestly, you'd have to be stupid not to see it coming.

Fear not, however, because Failure to Launch is so bored with its own plot that it throws in several others just to spice up the mix and, to tell you the truth, they go with this movie like rice and mayonnaise.

And, if you still find it boring perhaps the random scenes of Matthew getting bitten by chipmunks, dolphins, and falling off cliffs will be enough to keep you awake.

Failure to Launch is yet another one of those movies where if any character had a brain in their head or a shred of decency or honesty the entire movie would have been over in ten minutes.

But no, we're subjected to this lame-brained idiotic romantic comedy that thinks that slapstick and Terry Bradshaw's naked ass is funny while it pulls out a subplot out of nowhere about Matthew having a dead fiancé to make you feel sorry for the lazy subhuman sack of crap. Who writes this garbage!?

This is a terrible movie. Terrible, insulting, and lazy. By the stupid ending when Matthew and Sarah are actually kidnapped and locked in a closet by their friends and family and forced to talk to each other, I was so ready to get the hell out of the theater and do more constructive things with my life that I couldn't stand it.

This is one unoriginal piece of crap. Stupid from beginning to end.