Eagle Eye

Review by Jason Gaston

 

Shia LaBeouf  is a normal average every day slob who one day gets a telephone call from some woman who starts ordering him around.  We're watching you, she says.  Do this and you'll live, she says.

LaBeouf's character is trapped and doesn't know what to do while I'm thinking, "Dude, ditch the phone, find someplace with a canopy that is immune to even satellites, and wait it out."

Of course, if that would have happened we would have had a short movie, but then again would that really have been that bad of a thing?

I don't know about you, but my common sense would have been tingling the second I went to an ATM and found 750 hundred thousand dollars there waiting for me.  This obviously isn't something that happens every day and really would have served as my first clue that something is amiss. 

Then again, no one in this movie seems to posses the common sense tingle because, if they did, they wouldn't go about making the same idiotic mistakes that the characters in Eagle Eye did.

Eagle Eye is one of those thrillers that amounts to nothing but a single never-ending line of stupid crap designed to appeal to those idiots who keep forwarding that paranoia e-mail claming that we're all going to be ID chipped by the Summer and using Ameros by Christmas.  It's those tiny little peanut brains, I suppose, that will be thrilled and amazed by the events in this movie where the government apparently can control every piece of construction machinery in the world and can electrocute people if they're standing anywhere near power lines.

For the rest of us who didn't finish in the lower ten percentile of our high school class, we're going to see Eagle Eye for what it really is: A preposterous collection of idiotic action sequences, a plot that is so silly that it strains suspension of disbelief, and a twist that reveals the villain that is handled so badly that it changes the entire movie from a dumb action flick to a bullcrap science fiction movie in one fell swoop.

Let me put it this way: You'll probably see the twist coming.  I did, and I'm certainly no great intellectual.  You'll see it coming and the thought will keep running through your head: "No, they wouldn't do that!  That would be too stupid!" and then they do, and it's the freaking Village all over again!

I will say, though, that Shia LaBeouf and Michelle Monaghan are likeable characters and are folks that you can root for no matter how stupid the situation is that they find themselves trying to escape from.

Eagle Eye is a laughable action movie with no brain that rips off better action movies that have come before.  I can suspend my disbelief fine, thank you, but my intelligence is another matter.