Dune

Review by Jason Gaston

Any movie that starts out with two minutes of exposition from a floating head automatically gives me a sinking sensation.

It's way, way, way, way totally far in the future and all life and space travel depends on this stuff called the spice that can only be found on the barren planet called Dune. This movie follows the rise of Paul Atreides - the prince of one of the galaxies most powerful families - as his family movies to Dune, is betrayed by the corrupt emperor, destroyed by the evil House of Harkonnen, and he finds a new destiny in the sands of the barren turd of a planet.

Over the years, this movie has become quite the cult classic with its weird weapons, epic storyline, fierce creatures, and techno-monarchical society, it's won scores of fans in it's twenty years of release.

Granted, it is epic, it is vast, and it is confusing as hell. No one - not even the characters - seem to have the foggiest idea what the hell is going on half the time. At some points, the story is slow and boring and, at other points, it lurches forward at warp 3, leaving all rhyme and reason struggling to keep up in its wake.

The performances are nothing to brag about either... Kyle McLachlan plays the chief protagonist and his delivery is about as stiff as three day old bread. Even the great actors... Patrick Stewart and Dean Stockwell, seem bewildered and confused during this train wreck of a movie.

One of the things that annoys me most about this version of Dune is the damn whispering thinking that goes on all the time. I know that it's hard to communicate the thoughts of a character during a movie, but come on... give us a freakin' break! It's aggravating to an insane degree!

And yes, before I get any e-mail on the subject, I know that there is a director's cut of this movie that explains things in more detail and, to be perfectly frank, the director's cut is even more perplexing than the original.

That being said, I do have to admit that this accident of a movie has its moments. It's not a total turkey, even though it struts and clucks dangerously close to being one. It has a unique visual style and the music is superb.

The real stars of this movie, though? The worms... Damn, these things are cool.

There are things I like about Dune and things I loathe about Dune. Yeah, I know I'm taking an unpopular position here slamming a cult classic, but any movie that goes on for four hours and makes it seems like hardly anything is happening is doing something terribly, horribly, and unforgivably wrong.