The Dukes of Hazzard

Review by Jason Gaston

The Dukes of Hazzard was never what I would call a great intellectual property. Let's be brutally honest here, there was only two reasons I ever tuned in to watch the show and that was the General Lee and Daisy Duke's sweet succulent booty.

I didn't tune in to hear witty dialogue or bear witness to a great plot, I wanted to see those things and occasionally see Roscoe call Enis a dipstick.

Mostly, though, it was Daisy... the woman I first fell in love with and the woman who pretty much assured that I was going to grow up a heterosexual.

The Dukes of Hazzard movie at least realizes that simple fact... it's all about the car and the ass. Not the stars, not the plot, it's all about about the General Lee whipping up and down roads and staying one step in front of the law and Daisy Duke shaking her booty to seduce the police.

Now, I can handle a lot. I can handle that Stifler and that guy from Jackass are now playing Bo and Duke. I can handle all the jokes about the Confederate flag, and I can even handle Burt Reynolds as a skinny Boss Hogg. But there is one thing that I can not and will not accept.

Dammit, Daisy Duke was a damned Brunette! If Jessica Simpson didn't want to dye her precious wecious wittle hair, then she should have been fired and replaced by a more willing actress.

I'm outraged, I tell you! Outraged!

Okay, not that outraged.

I will say that, in spite of the attempt to keep in the spirit of the original, The Dukes of Hazzard takes what was a cute and simple TV show from my youth and soils it over the course of two hours.

Let's get brutally honest again. What monkey cast this movie? I'll admit freely that I'm a Seann William Scott fan, but he didn't belong in this movie. Neither did Johnny Knoxville, neither did Jessica Simpson, and especially not Burt Reynolds. This is probably the most atrocious casting I've ever seen since... ever!

The only one who fits the part is Willie Nelson as Uncle Jesse and his part is so incompetently written that his character actually walks out at random times and starts telling jokes for no reason as if he's trying desperately to get the audience to laugh at something. Anything!

Oh, and Willie... yeah, we know you like weed. Thank you for reminding us yet again, you refer fiend. Here's more breaking news: I watch movies!

Say what you will about the show... call it stupid or base entertainment, it was always charming and friendly. This new movie has taken that charm and friendliness and flushed it completely down the toilet making it edgier and more sexual.

I will say as I said earlier that the main selling point of the movie is the General Lee and it's never looked better. Sure, the movie is largely a gigantic ball of suck but the chases and action sequences involving the car are some of the best chases I've seen without the help of CGI or special effects.

I can't say that I hated this movie, but I am disappointed in it. It's a sad kind of disappointment. I wish that that goofy charm could have carried over to the big screen and that my old friends from childhood would be done proud. As it is now, they aren't.

The movie is awash in lame jokes and some really bad dialogue in addition to its other problems but if you simply go to see the General in action again you won't be completely disappointed.

Everything that happens between car chases, though, is nothing but disappointment.