The Day the Earth Stood Still

Review by Jason Gaston

 

Who knew that an alien invasion could be so boring?

The Day the Earth Stood Still could not be more appropriately named because, when you watch it, all foreword motion stops and time stands perfectly still.  It's like getting stuck in that scene from Star Trek: Insurrection where Picard and Anijj made time slow down because they were so in love with each other and all you can think as a patron is, "Jesus, when will this be over!?"

This movie is plodding, soulless, and takes its sweet time getting anywhere.  I guess Klatu's secret weapon this time around was to bore every single Earthling to death one at a time.

I should point out that The Day the Earth Stood Still is a remake of a classic movie that this movie isn't fit to lick the heels of.  It finds Keanu Reeves as an alien visitor to Earth and harbinger of death.  It seems that we poor simple human folk have gotten too dangerous.  We're killing the planet with our toxins and the Earth is simply too valuable of real estate for aliens to see us turn it into a giant toilet.  Klatu and his gigantic robot pal, Gort, are here to kill everyone on the planet.

Pack your stuff, folks, we're going bye-bye.

You would think that a movie about an alien invasion would at least be fun on some level.  I mean, Independence Day looked like it was written by two 12 year-olds and a monkey, but at least it was still fun.  This movie is depressing, dour, and seems to delight in completely excising any sense of fun from every prolonged second of its narrative.

For that, you could blame Keanu Reeves.  Under his dubious acting skills, Kaltu is a soulless automaton and you never understand his point of view on anything.  You can't empathize or understand him.  It's no wonder the US government keeps shooting at him - he's a jerk!

Even when he has a change of heart in the movie and decides to help save the planet, you can't tell.  He still acts like an unsympathetic monotone jerk.

You could also blame the writing.  After all, this movie is such a downer and so incredible full of itself, it's like watching the ultra-boring version of 28 Days Later.  There's nothing in this movie that's optimistic, nothing that breeds hope, and nothing that will put a smile on your face.  Nothing.

If being unbalanced and boring wasn't bad enough, this movie is preachy.  This original carried an antiwar message that has now turned into an environmental message that is so heavy-handed and transparent, it doesn't even seem relevant and is rendered completely impotent.

Finally, I know it's going off on a tangent here, but could we please stop with the clichéd setup of a mother and young son who can't get along and yet come to love each other in the face of disaster?  Is it too much to ask for an end of the ten year old smartasses who call their mother by her first name?  It's not edgy, it's not hip, it's just stupid and boring.

How can a movie about an alien invasion be this boring?  Watch this movie and find out or, better yet, don't!  It will save you money and sanity.