The Benchwarmers

Review by Jason Gaston

Adam Sandler must be the coolest friend in the world because, once he gains a particular fondness for you, no lack of talent or an innate ability to be as completely unfunny as possible will stop you from getting a part in one of his movies.

Take David Spade for example. Once, he was funny but then Chris Farley died and took all of the funny with him when he went to heaven. Now, David is just sad... one of those entertainers he used to make fun of when he was doing that Hollywood Minute thing on Saturday Night Live. By all accounts, someone as pathetic and unfunny as David Spade should not be getting work... and yet, Adam Sandler keeps giving it to him.

Slightly higher up the totem pole of lameless we find Rob Schneider... not as horrible as David Spade, but still horrible in his own fashion. You'd think someone as disentertaining as Rob would be relegated to Townie cameos in Adam Sandler movies continually shouting variations of "You can do it!" but no... he keeps getting big parts!

Don't even get me started on Jon Lovitz who, in my mind, hasn't done anything noteworthy since The Critic.

Don't consider this a lambasting of the stars of The Benchwarmers rather look on it as a awe-filled verification of the blind and undying friend that Adam Sandler must be. We should all be so lucky to have a pal like Sandler because no matter how much we suck, he'd always make us feel useful.

Or, maybe he's just throwing his old pals the scraps and giving them the movies he wouldn't be caught dead in. In either case, he's a cool guy.

But, then again, does that make Adam Sandler a gigantic bastard for releasing this kind of horrid excrement into theaters in the first place? Perhaps... but at least he's looking after his friends... or using his friends to get back at us for something we did.

The Benchwarmers is a wholly mediocre movie with marginal laughs and I guess I can say that I was very relieved that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. We're talking something that's along the line of The Waterboy as opposed to Joe Dirt. Not that great, but not as bad as it probably should have been.

The worst thing about this movie is that it's filled with stupid characters doing stupid thing and getting hit in the crotch or head. Not very funny and certainly not something I want to spent 90 minutes watching. This movie doesn't have enough brains in it to justify it's tacked on message of sportsmanship and including those who are athletically inferior.
Adam Sandler must be the coolest friend in the world because, once he gains a particular fondness for you, no lack of talent or an innate ability to be as completely unfunny as possible will stop you from getting a part in one of his movies.

Sure, I get off on the occasional dumb movie but when you look at the amount of laughter verses the number of times I longingly looked at my watch wishing that time would move a little faster, The Benchwarmers is a movie that should have stayed benched... alone and forgotten on some dusty studio shelf.

I can say one thing, if ob Schneider and David Spade are looking to destroy their careers, at least they have the good dignity to take that damn Napoleon Dynamite kid with them.