American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile

Review by Jason Gaston

So, okay... it's better than Band Camp but that's like saying that death by lethal injection is better than death by the gas chamber.

Yes, friends and fiends, American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile and since this franchise moved to video, it's been little more than hokey badly written teenage sex comedies riding on name recognition. Nothing about these movies relate to their namesakes and, if you do end up renting this hoping for the laughs of the original theatrical trio, you will be sorely disappointed.

At the time I write this, I also reviewed A Night at the Museum lamenting that when you have a filmmaker with a hundred million bucks to spend on special effects, the story usually is neglected... apparently, this is true if you have loads of breasts and ass to show off. Lots of nudity... not much else.

Like Band Camp, The Naked Mile focuses on a Stifler... this time, not one but two! One, the raging dickhead horn dog party animal that we've grown to hate and the other, a virginal boy hoping to get laid on a guilt-free pass from his virgin girlfriend.

What we're left with is a half-assed story about how a horny high school kid predictably chooses love over lust and Eugene Levy collecting a paycheck for what looks like six hours of actual work.

As expected, this movie is pitiful, cheap, and unfunny... venturing into the ridiculous with a very pathetic subplot about a fraternity made up completely of little people and their rivalry with horny Stifler's frat. The comedy from this bit is so awkward and unfunny that it actually had me cringing. Hey, want to get really politically incorrect? Make it a black fraternity and drop the n-bomb a couple of times after all, apparently making fun of minority populations is freakin' hilarious.

I can't make crap like that up, folks. For that, you need overpaid studio executives and a couple of hacks sitting at a laptop. Give this one a pass, ladies and gentlemen.