Alice in Wonderland

Review by Jason Donner

We have to stop Tim Burton before he destroys all culture in the name of Hot Topic.

Perhaps I'm being unfair, but it seems like that's all that Burton has going for him anymore -- assembling weird looking movies staring pale people with bad hair all so that posters and shirts can be sold to teenagers.  I honestly think that the man has sold out and that he's taking all the popular stories with him as he fights and claws  as he's flushed down the toilet.

Burton is a creative force, that much is certain, but it appears there is a massive ego underneath the strangeness -- an ego that must be stroked like a cat.  Why else would he want to reinvent Planet of the Apes, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and now Alice in Wonderland.  I read somewhere that he didn't like the originals and wanted to improve on them

Well... is that so?  Personally, the first thing I would do is fire a director who not only expresses a dislike for the original, but also a complete disdain for the classic... they have no business being there.

Burton's made a big mistake out of this one.  He wanted to give Willy Wonka a backstory?  Fine.  Wanted to expand on the Apeworld?  Fine... but why on God's green earth would you want to make sense out of a story that got famous for being nonsensical?  By expanding the story of Alice in Wonderland and putting a concrete narrative behind it, Tim Burton has taken Alice in Wonderland's most endearing feature - it's complete lack of direction - and destroyed it leaving a movie overstuffed with CGI and ego.

This Wonderland is a strange and joyless amalgamation of the Disney carton and Lord of the Rings, though why anyone would want to make an epic out of a story that has been so famous for being flighty and pointless is beyond me.  It's a disaster!  Burton's Alice falls into this world with a thud and never recovers even though the visuals seem to fit, the story is too darn serious. 

Hell, this is Alice in Wonderland!  If there is just a little bit of seriousness, it's too much!  For goodness sakes, the flippin'  Mad Hatter breaks down and cries at one point.  He cries!  The Mad Hatter!

Alice is not an action star, the dormouse is not a spy, and the Mad Hatter does NOT have an emotional scene!  Especially when that emotion is brought about because he's sad that he's crazy!  That's the goddamn point of his entire character!

There are bright spots:  Johnny Depp is entertaining as always and the visuals are a sight to behold, but the entire film is dour, dark, and seems like it's had all of the fun and whimsy squeezed out of it by dark forces.  Alice in Wonderland is tedious and thick, an emotional void that shouldn't have been that way had Tim Burton's ego had been in check.