A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2002)

A.I. accomplishes what it set out to do and that was to question what it is to love and be loved... what it is to find our place in the world and what it is to want something so badly, that it consumes your every thought.

Accepted (2006)

What Accepted boils down to is some transparent and artifical message about being accepted as who you are. This is supposed to give the title a double meaning or something, but at the end I bet you're just going to be too bored to notice or appreciate it.

Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights (2006)

It tries to be South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, yet it's not funny, not clever, and not even watchable. This is probably the worst animated movie I've seen since I was unfortunate enough to watch the Hercules and Xena movie and at least THAT had unintentional laughs.

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

This movie is about as fun as three months of math camp, about as funny as as watching a kid in a wheelchair get hit by a car, and if you’re stupid enough to spend eight bucks to see this horrible thing, you should immediately loose your right to vote.

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle (2000)

Sure, the movie is full of bad puns, hackneyed dialogue, and awful jokes (which were really a staple of the old Rocky and Bullwinkle show), but the situation is so innocent and lighthearted that you eventually have no choice but to embrace and love it like you did when you were a kid.

Æon Flux (2005)

Æon Flux isn't great entertainment but it's good entertainment. I've certainly seen worse, but the movie doesn't translate the cartoon's strange charm. Still, it's a decent movie in of itself.

After the Sunset (2004)

The gags are old, the jokes are moldy, the action is nothing but routine, and the plot is recycled. As the movie trudges and lurches along its predictable path, it's evident more and more with each passing minute that After the Sunset is nothing special even though it has no problem pretending to be.

Air Force One (1997)

Peterson respects the people in the theater seats enough to provide them with believable situations, actions and characters who aren't just muscle-bound idiots who can take thirteen bullets to the chest and keep coming.

Akeelah and the Bee (2006)

It's inspiring and cheerful, dramatic and sad, and - yes - even a little hokey. Doesn't matter, though, because in a movie like this a little hokey doesn't do a darn bit of harm.

Alexander (2004)

This film is a plodding lumbering stinker of a historical epic ready to look good and expensive any chance it gets but at the same time, stumbling and grasping at a point and trying to find a focus.

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

We have to stop Tim Burton before he destroys all culture in the name of Hot Topic.

Alien (1979)

In a world of I Know What You Did Last Summer's and Urban Legend's and Kevin Williamson teenie-booper horror flicks that almost always disappoint and insult, Alien remains at the top of the heap driving it's toothy tongue through the heads of lame dollar-show horror flicks. It's a movie that has and forever will stand the test of time.

Alien³ (1992)

The audience just isn't scared if they know what the creature looks like and, showing the alien at every chance makes the film as effective as a movie about people being chased and eaten by a lion.

Alien Resurrection (1997)

The story of Alien Resurrection was almost (almost!) completely original to the series as well, having the military trying to train the aliens as biological weapons, but that little element of Alien Resurrection quickly died turning the movie into the same old story of cardboard box tunnels and startle-cuts that sank Alien³.

Alien vs. Predator (2004)

The script is pretty much brain-dead with some appallingly bad dialogue and plot contrivances, but at its core... at the very heart of the movie, there is the fun.

Aliens (1986)

This is a movie that took the original idea of the first and made it bigger and better but never lost sight of the basic human struggle for survival.

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

This movie sucks. It’s probably killed not one, but two franchises… but at this point, it’s more of a mercy killing than anything.

Alone in the Dark (2007)

People call Uwe Boll a modern day Ed Wood, but I would never insult Mr. Wood in such a disrespectful manner.

An American Carol (2008)

It's a movie built for a very limited audience, the cinematic equivalent of a small group of immature and spoiled junior high girls sitting at their own little table and whispering and giggling at everyone else in the room who won't sit with them.

An American Haunting (2006)

An American Haunting is a gigantic wasted opportunity. The legend was fine by itself, but some overzealous screenwriter decided to put his own silly private spin on the legend and has made it a complete joke.

American Outlaws (2001)

This movie is like American Pie set out in the old west. It's like a music video western by MTV made for attention deficit 12 year-olds. This is like a Teen Beat photo shoot with a western theme. This movie is like a root canal without the Novocain..

American Pie (1999)

There's sick gags about drinking bodily discharges, lots of basic potty humor, and frank talk about teen sex that seems to capture (and infinity embellish, of course) the turbulent high school sex-crazy years.

American Pie 2 (2001)

It's been a year since the warm apple pie goodness of American Pie and now, after completing their freshman year in college, Jim, Finch, Oz, and Stifler are back home and itching to jump into the dating pool in American Pie 2 which manages to savor the original's charm and compassion, while still making us laugh at piss and dick jokes.

American Pie Presents: Band Camp (2006)

Calling this movie half-baked would be a compliment. It's a mushy pile of raw dough and uncooked apples and, if you decide to partake of it, it's your own damn fault.

American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (2006)

So, okay... it's better than Band Camp but that's like saying that death by lethal injection is better than death by the gas chamber.

American Wedding (2003)

The American Pie movies do what movies like Van Wilder and the countless other sex comedies fail at. These movies make you care about the characters, care about the situations, and care about what happens.

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

This movie is a landmark. That much is certain. It's one of the most prominent and celebrated horror movies of the ladder half of the 20th century. It'll make you giggle and then make you jump in fright while it actually contains a story that will keep you interested and, in some ways, break your heart.

An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

As a sequel to An American Werewolf in London, the Paris chapter is sadly lacking but in spite of its brainlessness, or perhaps because of it, it is strangely endearing at the same time.

The Amityville Horror (2005)

At best, this MTV and Michael Bay inspired nonsense is nauseating and annoying more than it is in the least bit frightening. So many quick cuts, shock edits, and loud sound effects that the real horror of Amityville is the headache you're going to end up with afterwards.

Anaconda (1997)

Anaconda is not a good movie, that much is certain, but there is fun. The kind of fun you have that you find afterwards trying to shower off your body in the middle of the night, but it is fun nonetheless.

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004)

This movie is bad... bad in every sense of the word. It's a crime against Joe Public who makes a little over minimum wage doing hard manual labor that seven... count them... seven Hollywood writers actually got money to write this thing.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

The movie is barely controlled chaos and yet, it works for some reason scientists are unable to explain.

Angels & Demons (2009)

Much of the movie is riding on Tom Hank’s shoulders and, playing such a confounding and two-dimensional character doesn’t help matters. Tom Hank’s Robert Langdon is perhaps his most unlikable character and, yes, that’s counting Joe vs. The Volcano.

Anger Management (2003)

The highlight of this movie, however, is Jack Nicholson. This movie shines when Wacky Jack is unleashed and causes havoc in the mild-mannered protagonist's life. Unfortunately, though, the shine is dulled by an inexcusable amount of not being funny.

The Animatrix (2003)

Even though I’ve enjoyed both The Matrix and The Matrix Reloaded, I believe that this collection is superior both in direction and imagination.

Annapolis (2006)

This movie is so utterly pointless and so comprised of fluff that it will probably take thirty philosophers to prove that it even exists in the first place.

Any Given Sunday (1999)

Football just doesn't have the tradition, grander, or the apparent incorruptible spirit of baseball or other sports so all of the football movies are usually (and by usually I mean always) about corruption and backstabbing. In the end, there's no one to root for and the last two hours are pointless.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (2007)

Normally I would say that this movie has a plot that wanders aimlessly, but that description wouldn't do it justice. Aqua Teen Hunger Force's plot doesn't just wander, it recklessly careens into parked cars, runs down old ladies on walkers, and chases dogs on the sidewalk with laser-beam eyes and a Godzilla-like roar.

Are We There Yet? (2005)

Are We There Yet? is a movie that borrows its gags from better films, has no problem selling racial stereotypes to children, and drags out jokes to the point that they are even less funny than they were when they started out... which is an achievement considering that they weren't that funny in the first place.

The Aristocrats (2006)

Granted, I think I would have enjoyed the movie more if it hadn't been so attention deficit in its editing, but the movie is funny, it's a great documentary, and it's a vile celebration of comedy and the miracle that is free speech.

Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

If anything, this carefree plodding monster with brief respites of comedy and whimsy can best be described as diverting, not particularly intelligent, but mostly just a big foolish lump of fun.

Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)

Yeah, you know... there are gigantic holes in the plot and the overall logic of the story, but if you can ignore them and go with it, Assault on Precinct 13 is a fun ride with a pretty strong cast playing some unfortunately un-extraordinary parts.

Avatar (2009)

James Cameron's first movie in fifteen years might not be the amazing nuclear missile of ingenuity we were promised, but it's nothing to look down on. Derivative or not, it's incredible to behold.

The Aviator (2004)

This movie is less biography than it is a dramatic epic. With actors in top form, a great script, and a director finally back at the top of his game, The Aviator is primed to fly high.

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